A Wifey Momma

It's been a long time that I have been keeping this pain. And each day, the pain is getting deep that I feel like carrying a heavy burden. At some point in my life, I asked God, what's missing? What has to be done? Until I finally realized that I need peace. Peace within me...

Yes, months had passed and all those times I was hurt, so much hurt. I never expected this to happen because all I want is to make friends, a lot of them. But life has full of twist and turns, trying to test everything in us, even if it involves people. December, January, February, March, April, and now May has come. More than 5 months of keeping it here...right here deeply buried in my heart. I wanna make revenge when I was terribly hurt, but I didn't. I remained silent because I don't wanna involve people. I kept it to myself. But then again, the thrill of testing everything in me and so with them was triggered. Yea, I must admit that I wasn't able to control my temper; I blew fire, so hot that I hurt some people too just the way they hurt me.

But when will this end? That was bothering me even months ago. I was just ignoring the thought and mind my own. But God seems to tickle my sanity, letting me do something which I knew would be hard on my part. So here I am, wondering if I am on the right track. And knowing that it's our Almighty God who guides me all throughout these endeavors, I'm certain that I'm doing myself not just a favor, but helping myself to get closer to HIM once again. He is once my bestfriend, and I am missing him so much. And I want HIM to restore my heart as HIS own sacred place.

Somehow, I am enlightened and realized that getting through bumps and grinds in any relationship, no matter how perfect it is, is just but a spice of life. In fact, even the closest of friends have their trying times too. We are just human, and that clearly speaks as to why all these happen. All we need in times like this is FORGIVENESS. Otherwise, PRIDE will take over. And if we'll just let it that way, it can surely build a small spat which can lead to something that no one would wish for-the end of friendship.


Before, my own stubborn pride is causing a deadlock to the issue. I want her, I want them to say "I'm sorry" first before I forgive them because I can certainly grant them the forgiveness. But whether they are the ones to reach out to me or I am the one to reach out to them, I guess, there's nothing wrong about it. As a matter of fact, there are no rules or shall we call a protocol on who should go first. And God is whispering in my heart, "Just do it!" And I just did. I am happy now that a part of my heart is free from pain. I know it'll take me time to clear all the pain that I've been keeping inside not just for these people I have just forgiven, but there are still some people whom I already forgiven but they aren't just aware of it.

I am just telling myself that I need to take one step at a time. God is with me all the time and I am sure of that. He comforts me when I am all alone and sad. He lifts me up when I am down. He forgives me when I've done something wrong, whether to myself, my family, my love-ones, my friends and others whom I do not intend to hurt, or unconsciously, I have hurt.